Showing Kindness and Dutifulness to one’s Parents (Sh Uthaymeen)

Showing Kindness and Dutifulness to one’s Parents

And they [Ahl-us-Sunnah wal-Jamaa’ah] command with being kind and dutiful to one’s parents

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And this is because of the magnitude of their right.

And Allaah has not made anyone’s right follow His right or the right of His Messenger except that of the parents, so He said:

وَاعْبُدُوا اللَّهَ وَلَا تُشْرِكُوا بِهِ شَيْئًا ۖ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا

Worship Allaah and join none with Him in worship, and do good to parents [4:36]

So the right of the Messenger is included within the command to worship Allaah, because worship cannot be correctly established until it is based upon the right of the Messenger ‘alaihisalaatuwassalaam, through loving him and following his way. That is why it is included in His statement, “Worship Allaah and join none with Him in worship”. How could one worship Allaah except through the way and example of the Messenger sallallaahu’alaihiwasallam? So when one worships Allaah in accordance with the legislation of the Messenger, then one would have fulfilled his right.

Then after this comes the right of the parents. So the parents undergo difficulty because of the child, particularly the mother. Allaah the Exalted said:

وَوَصَّيْنَا الْإِنسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ إِحْسَانًا ۖ حَمَلَتْهُ أُمُّهُ كُرْهًا وَوَضَعَتْهُ كُرْهًا

And We have enjoined on man to be dutiful and kind to his parents. His mother bears him with hardship and she brings him forth with hardship [46:15]

And in another aayah:

وَوَصَّيْنَا الْإِنسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ حَمَلَتْهُ أُمُّهُ وَهْنًا عَلَىٰ وَهْنٍ

And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship [31:14]

So the mother encounters difficulty during pregnancy and childbirth, and after childbirth, and the mercy and kindness she shows to her child is greater than that of the father for him. Therefore she is the most deserving of the people for one’s companionship and kind treatment over and above even the father.

A man asked, “O Messenger of Allaah, who is the most deserving of my companionship?”. He said, “Your mother”. He said, “Then who?”. He said, “Your mother”. He said, “Then who?”. He said, “Your mother”. Then on the fourth occasion he said, “Then your father”.[1]

And the father likewise encounters difficulty regarding his children, and he worries about that which troubles them and he is happy with that which pleases them and he strives for everything that would comfort them and put them at ease and which would ensure that they have a good life. He would travel high and low to earn a livelihood for himself and for his children.

So both the mother and the father have a right, whatever you were to do for them in terms of actions, it would not fulfill their right and for this reason Allaah ‘azza wajal said:

وَاخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ الذُّلِّ مِنَ الرَّحْمَةِ وَقُل رَّبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرًا

And say: “My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was small.” [17:24]

So their right is from before, in that they raised you when you were small when you were not able to benefit or harm yourself. So it is obligatory to show kindness to them. And being dutiful to one’s parents is an individual obligation by consensus. It is for this reason that the Prophet sallallaahu’alaihiwasallam gave precedence to this over jihaad in the way of Allaah, as in the Hadeeth of Ibn Mas’ood. He said, I said, “O Messenger of Allaah! Which of the actions is most beloved to Allaah?”. He said, “Performing the prayer on time”. I said, “Then what?”. He said, “Being kind and dutiful to one’s parents”. I said, “Then what?”. He said, “Jihaad in the way of Allaah”.[2]

The parents are the mother and the father. As for the grandfather and grandmother, then one must show them kind treatment, but it does not equal that shown to one’s parents. This is because the grandparents don’t undergo that which the parents undergo from difficulty, giving attention to and supervising their children. So showing them [the grandparents] kindness is obligatory in the sense of keeping the ties and they are the relations who are most deserving of this. However, regarding al-Birr, or showing kindness and being dutiful, then this is for the mother and the father.

However, what does ‘al-Birr’ mean?

Al-Birr is to try to bring about good as far as one is able, and to restrict harm. Bringing about good in terms of wealth, serving them, and trying to make them happy by, for example, being cheerful, talking to them nicely and treating them well and trying to do all that one can to please them.

It is for this reason that the correct opinion is that it is obligatory upon the children to serve the father and mother, so long as this does not harm the son. So if it were to harm him, then it would not be obligatory to serve them, except in a case of necessity. And therefore we say: Indeed obedience to them is obligatory in that which benefits them and does not harm the son. As for that which harms him, whether this harm is in terms of the religion, such as their commanding him to leave something which is obligatory or to do something which is forbidden, then there is no obedience to them in this; or if this harm is in terms of the worldly affairs, then it is not obligatory to obey them. As for wealth, then it is obligatory upon him to treat them kindly through spending freely upon them, even if it is a large amount, so long as this does not harm him, and he is not dependent upon it. In addition the father is specifically allowed to take from the wealth of his son as he wishes, so long as it does not harm him.

When we reflect upon the state of people today, we find that many of them do not treat their parents kindly rather they openly disobey them and treat them badly. You would find someone being good to his friends and not tiring of sitting with them. However, if he were to sit with his father or mother for just an hour in the day, you would find him restless as though he were on hot coals. So this is not from kind treatment. Rather the one who shows kindness is one who opens his heart to his mother and father and serves them and is devoted to them and who has the utmost eagerness to please them with everything that he is able to do.

And as it is commonly said, “Al-Birr is an investment”. For indeed if someone is good to his parents], then he will receive a great reward in the next life, and he will even be repaid for it in this life. So good or bad treatment of one’s parents is like, as is commonly said, “an investment”, or a loan. If you had been good to your parents, then your children will be good to you, and if you had been disobedient to your parents, then your children will be disobedient to you.

And there are many reports, that from the people there are those who treated their parents well, and their children then treated them well; likewise regarding disobedience there are reports which show that those whose children are disobedient had likewise been disobedient to their parents.

So Ahl-us-Sunnah wal-Jamaa’ah command with being kind and dutiful to one’s parents.

[Taken from Sharh ul-‘Aqeedat-il-Waasitiyyah by Shaikh Ibn ‘Uthaimeen p673-676; Daaruth-Thurayyaa edition 1421 (2000). Translated by Adnaan ibn Salman.]

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[1] Reported by Al-Bukhaaree in the Book of Good Manners, Chapter: Who is the Most Deserving of One’s Companionship; and in Muslim in the Book of Kind Treatment and Keeping the Ties.

[2] Reported by Al-Bukhaaree in the Book of Good Manners, Chapter: Kind treatment and Keeping the Ties and Muslim in the Book of Eemaan.

 

 

The wisdom behind the sending of the Messengers

With regards to the hikmah behind the sending of the Messengers,
Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al ‘Uthaymeen rahimahullaah
states:

So a messenger was sent to every nation from the time of Nooh up till the time of our Prophet Muhammad sall Allaahu‘alaihi wa
sallam.

And the hikmah behind the sending of the Messengers was:

a) to establish the proof. He, the Most High, said:

Messengers as bearers of good tidings and warners in order that mankind
should have no plea against Allaah after the coming of the
Messengers…
Soorah an Nisaa (4) aayah 165

b) as a mercy – as per His statement, He the Most High:

And We did not send you except as a mercy to all
creation.
Soorah al Anbiyaa (21) aayah 207

c) to make clear the path leading to Allaah, the Most High – because
the person does not know what Allaah has made obligatory in a detailed manner
except through the path of the Messengers.

(Al qawl ul mufeed (1/27 to 28) of Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al
‘Uthaymeen rahimahullaah, translated by Nasser ibn Najam)

Causes for a decrease in eemaan

With regards to the person’s eemaan decreasing, Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al ‘Uthaymeen rahimahullaah states:

Then know that the decrease in eemaan is of two types:

The first: the decrease which a person can do nothing about, such as the decrease in the deen of a woman through leaving off the prayer during the days of her menstrual period.

So for certain she has no choice in this. Rather if she wished to offer her prayer (during this time) so that her eemaan would not decrease, it would be said to her:

This is certainly something forbidden for you, and if you were to pray it would surely make your eemaan more deficient!

Therefore this is a deficiency which the person can do nothing about and is not to be blamed for because they have no choice in this matter, without exception.

And for example that a person dies whilst being young. So his eemaan is deficient relative to one whose life is prolonged because for the one whose life is prolonged, his eemaan increases and his actions increase. So he can do nothing about this decrease, so without exception, he is not to be blamed for it.

The second: a decrease through the choice of the person. And this is divided into two types:

If the basis of it is committing a sin or leaving off an obligation, then he is to be blamed for it and he commits a sin through it.

And if his decrease is through leaving off a voluntary act which is not obligatory then he is not to be blamed for it with a blame by which he is deemed to have committed a sin, even though it is upon a person to strive upon righteous action.

(Quoted in Mu’jam at Ta’reefaat p79 to 80, translated by Nasser ibn Najam)

Hadeeth on Ramadaan 13

From ‘Umar ibn al Khattaab  radi Allaahu ‘anhu who said.
The Messenger of Allaah sall Allaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam said:

“When the night approaches from here,
and the day goes away from here,
then let the fasting person break his fast.”

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The Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al ‘Uthaymeen rahimahullaah commented:

The Ameer ul Mu’mineen (Chief of the Believers) ‘Umar ibn al Khattaab radi Allaahu ‘anhu informs that the Prophet sall Allaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam clarified the signs of the time at which the fasting person breaks his fast.

And they are three signs which are inseparable from each other:
•         The approach of the night from the east
•         The departure of the day from the west
•         The setting of the sun.

And the foundation of these signs is the setting of the sun because with it enters the night, which Allaah the Most High has made the limit for completion of the fast.

However the night appearing clearly from the east and the departing of the day from the west are (also) a proof for it, and follow on from it.

 

(taken from Sh Uthaymeen’s explanation of ‘Umdat-ul-Ahkaam
translated by Nasser ibn Najam)

Hadeeth on Ramadaan 12

From ‘Aaishah  radi Allaahu ‘anhaa who said:

There were some fasts from Ramadaan which I had to make up, so I was not able to make them until Sha’baan[1].

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The Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al ‘Uthaymeen rahimahullaah commented:

‘Aaishah radi Allaahu ‘anhaa informs that there were some fasts from Ramadaan which were upon her; she had refrained from fasting (during those days) due to an excuse, by way of her menstrual periods or other than that.

So she delayed them until Sha’baan, then she fasted them before the next Ramadaan.

And she clarified her excuse for that – that she was unable to make them up easily and conveniently until Sha’baan, when it became essential to make them up.

[1] The month before Ramadaan the following year

 

(taken from Sh Uthaymeen’s explanation of ‘Umdat-ul-Ahkaam
translated by Nasser ibn Najam)

Hadeeth on Ramadaan 11

From Sahl ibn Sa’d as Saa’idee radi Allaahu ‘anhu who said that the Messenger of Allaah sall Allaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam said:

“The people will not cease to be upon goodness as long as they hasten to break the fast.”

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The Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al ‘Uthaymeen rahimahullaah commented:

All goodness is contained in following the Islamic Legislation and in restricting oneself to it, without going to excess or falling short.

And in this hadeeth, Sahl ibn Sa’d radi Allaahu ‘anhu informs that the Prophet sall Allaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam told (us) that the people will continue upon goodness and righteousness in their religion if they restrict themselves to (staying within) the Islamically legislated limits for their fasting and their breaking the fast.

So be prompt with breaking the fast after the setting of the sun – which is the (legislated) limit for the fasting – just as Allaah, the Most High, said:

Then complete your fasting till the nightfall…
Soorah al Baqarah (2) aayah 187

And the night enters with the setting of the sun.

 

(taken from Sh Uthaymeen’s explanation of ‘Umdat-ul-Ahkaam
translated by Nasser ibn Najam)

Hadeeth on Ramadaan 10

And from ‘Aaishah radi Allaahu ‘anhaa that the Prophet sall Allaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam said:

“Seek out laylat ul qadr in the odd nights from the last ten.”

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The Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al ‘Uthaymeen rahimahullaah commented:

In the odd nights from the last ten
– this is the night of the 21st and the 23rd and the 25th and the 27th and the 29th

The Mother of the Believers ‘Aaishah radi Allaahu ‘anhaa informed that the Prophet sall Allaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam directed (us) to seek to encounter laylat ul qadr with righteous deeds and standing (in prayer) in it during the odd nights of the last ten of Ramadaan.

 

(taken from Sh Uthaymeen’s explanation of ‘Umdat-ul-Ahkaam
translated by Nasser ibn Najam)

Hadeeth on Ramadaan 9

From Jaabir ibn ‘Abdillaah  radi Allaahu ‘anhu who said:

The Messenger of Allaah sall Allaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam was upon a journey. Then he saw a crowd  and (he saw) a man who was being shaded.

So he said, “What is this?”

They said, “A fasting person.”

He said, “Fasting upon a journey is not from righteousness.”

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The Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al ‘Uthaymeen rahimahullaah commented:

Jaabir radi Allaahu ‘anhu informed that the Prophet sall Allaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam was upon his journey in the year of the Conquest, inRamadaan.

So he saw a group crowding around, in order to take a look at a person  – as though he were affected by heat and thirst and he was being shaded.

And he was lying down, as occurs in the narration of ibn Jareer.

So the Prophet sall Allaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam asked (about him), so they said, “He is a man who is fasting.”

And because the fasting had caused him to reach this degree (of discomfort), the Prophet sall Allaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam said that fasting upon a journey was not from righteousness when it caused the fasting person to reach that level (of discomfort).

And the Shaykh ‘Abdullaah ibn ‘Abdir Rahmaan aale Bassaam rahimahullaah commented:

And He (Allaah) did not wish from you that worship of Him would be torturing yourselves.

 

(taken from Sh Uthaymeen’s and Sh Bassaam’s explanations of ‘Umdat-ul-Ahkaam
translated by Nasser ibn Najam)

Hadeeth on Ramadaan 6

From Aboo Hurayrah radi Allaahu ‘anhu who said:

While we were sitting with the Prophet sall Allaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam a man came to him and said:

O Messenger of Allaah, I am destroyed!

He said, “What has destroyed you?”

He said, “I had sexual intercourse with my wife whilst I was fasting.”

 

(And in one version):

“I had sexual intercourse with my wife in the (daytime) in Ramadaan.”

 

So the Prophet sall Allaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam said, “Do you find that you have (the price) of a slave, so that you could set him free?”

He said, “No.”

He said, “Are you able to fast two consecutive months?”

He said, “No.”

He said, “Do you find (enough) to feed sixty miskeen people (those who do not have enough for themselves nor their family)?”

He said, “No.”

So the Prophet sall Allaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam remained for a time – and while we were like that, he was brought a basket containing dates.

He said, “Where is the person who was asking?

He said, “It was me.” 

He said, “Take this and give it in charity.”

So he said, “To someone who is greater in need than me, O Messenger of Allaah? For, by Allaah, there is not between the two lava plains (of al Madeenah) a household that is more in need than my household!” 

So the Messenger of Allaah sall Allaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam laughed until his canine teeth became visible, then he said, “Feed it to your family.”

 

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The Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al ‘Uthaymeen rahimahullaah commented:

Aboo Hurayrah radi Allaahu ‘anhu narrates that they were sitting with the Prophet sall Allaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, as was their habit of sitting with him in order to learn from him and be companionable with him.

So whilst they were like this, a man came, who recognised that he was destroyed due to the sin he had committed, wanting redemption from that.

So he said, “O Messenger of Allaah, I am destroyed.”  And then he sall Allaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam asked him about the reason for (thinking) that. So the man replied that he had had sexual intercourse with his wife during the daytime in Ramadaan whilst fasting.

So the Prophet sall Allaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam did not deal with him harshly because he (the man) had come in repentance, seeking redemption for that which he had fallen into.

So the Prophet sall Allaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam guided him to that which contained redemption, asking him whether he had the (funds) to free a slave, so that it would be an expiation for him. The man replied in the negative.

So he asked him whether he was able to fast two consecutive months, with no day off from fasting coming into them.

He replied in the negative.

So he moved him onto the third and last option, asking him whether he was able to feed sixty miskeen people. He replied in the negative as well.

Then the Prophet sall Allaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam remained until a man from the Ansaar brought a basket containing dates. So the Prophet sall Allaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam said to the man who had asked, ““Take this and give it in charity.”  Meaning – as an expiation for that which was upon him.

However due to the state of need which this man was in and his knowledge of the generosity of the Prophet sall Allaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam and his love of making ease for his nation, he entertained some hope; so he (the man) said, “To someone who is more in need than me?” And he swore an oath that there was no household between the two lava plains of al Madeenah who was more in need than his household.

So the Prophet sall Allaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam laughed, marvelling at the situation of this man who had come in fear, seeking redemption. So when this occurred for him, he changed to being one who wished for something, desiring a gift. So he gave permission to him, due to the fine and noble manners which Allaah had instilled in him, that he (the man) should feed his family, because fulfilling a need comes before expiation.

 

(taken from Sh Uthaymeen’s explanation of ‘Umdat-ul-Ahkaam
translated by Nasser ibn Najam)

Hadeeth on Ramadaan 5

From ‘Aaishah radi Allaahu ‘anhaa that Hamzah ibn ‘Amr al Aslamee radi Allaahu ‘anhu said to the Prophet sall Allaahu ‘alahi wa sallam:

Should I fast upon the journey?

And he was a person who was plentiful in fasting.

So he said, “If you wish, then fast. And if you wish, then abstain from fasting.”

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The Shaykh ‘Abdullaah ibn ‘Abdir Rahmaan aale Bassaam rahimahullaah (who died in 2003 CE) commented:

The Companions radi Allaahu ‘anhum knew that the Merciful Legislator did not give the concession to refrain from fasting upon a journey except as a mercy to them and out of compassion for them.

So Hamzah al Aslamee had steadfastness and strength upon fasting and he was one who loved al khayr (goodness), and was plentiful in fasting radi Allaahu ‘anhu . So he asked the Messenger of Allaahsall Allaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam, “Should I fast upon the journey?”

So the Prophet sall Allaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam gave him the choice between fasting and refraining from fasting, saying, “If you wish to, then fast. And if you wish, then abstain from fasting.”

 

(taken from Sh Uthaymeen’s explanation of ‘Umdat-ul-Ahkaam
translated by Nasser ibn Najam)